Hey SalesForce, Apple, Monsanto! GRAND NEWS! You can save a FORTUNE on patent and trademark applications by NOT TRYING TO OWN EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING.

If “Ooooh! Look guys! I just thought about having a slidy thing to unlock the screen!” (good work, Apple) makes you run to the patent office in a frenzy, then might I suggest you stop just a moment and have a little think about what your life has come to?

And if you feel it’s a great idea to try to trademark the term ‘social enterprise’ (nice try, Salesforce), then it might be an idea to take a holiday, because you might have lost an important perspective on the world.

If you work for Monsanto and think you should be able to patent bits of my DNA / life / any part of any living organism, then it may already be too late for you. Quit immediately and move to a quiet place and go fishing every day, or cycle around the world, or hike the length of the Americas or something big and natural like that and you may get your soul back. Or maybe just take a big dose of LSD.